New Year?

It seems that everything in life is moving. It is moving in a direction that I cannot explain or understand right now. Even now as I think where I am going with this post, I get lost in the thoughts and movement. It's as if you are standing in the middle of a dance floor as everything dances around you, and you look around as if to decide your next move.

Or it feels like one of those great summer nights in front of a fire after most people have gone to bed and you and a few friends still sit around, mostly silent, poking at the fire. You wonder what is about to be said, or what topic will be brought up. But you know it will be intimate and important. Because the atmosphere demands it.

So here I stand, planning my next move. And here I sit, listening intently, staring at the hot coals.

And I can feel the next move, I can see what is about to come. It is just around the corner to a new year and I already have it planned out. New years resolutions are set to start in December. This will be a year I will not forget.

I have never forgotten December 19th. It was the day I asked out my first girlfriend. Also my first kiss. November 5th was the day I flipped my car over with 4 other guys in it. October 30th a year later, I totalled my next car too. I remember a few other memorable dates: Nov 1st, Feb 5th, etc. But I know this next year, January especially, there will be a new date. A date that will start the rest of my life. This date will once again mark a happening in life. To be honest, I am a little scared, I haven't quite taken into account what it will really cost, how much courage and gusto I will have to muster up. But it will be worth it. It's almost like a break-up conversation. You see it coming and know you will feel better once it happens, but you know it will bring pain with it, but you cannot really anticipate that pain. Instead you just have to brace for it.