I'd rather be thinking

To be honest, I do not want to write. There is so much on my mind that it cannot be canned into a simple and stupid blog. But of course, when can it?

So to give you a pass at my mind, I have been thinking about permanence. So much of our lives these days... [Okay, that's right, I am trying to be honest and take responsibility] So much of my life consists of jumping from one temporary thing to the next. Example: temporary jobs, school and classes which I can drop or skip, apartments on 6 month to one year lease, and plans with friends that can be scrapped if something better comes up. No joke, that is the life I live in and what I have been used to.

But now what about permanence? I have been thinking of something more like a permanent tattoo, a 30 year mortgage (temporary, true, but temporary for 30 years is practically permanent in my mind), and marriage. When my friends get married and the main thing they freak out about is "Is she/he the one?" As these options come closer and I have to think about it, I am finally okay with that. It freaks me out a little because it is growing up, but honestly it means I am just willing to stand behind my decisions. My word means something to me. Should making plans with friends keep me responsible to follow through? Of course. But it is not the end of the world if not. What about the rest of the major decisions? What if a house becomes a bad decision? What if a relationship turns into a bad marriage? What if my bet to go all in turns out wrong? Better to have loved and lost than to not loved at all(?).

New subject. As I come out of this trial that I have got myself into, I feel so relieved that for once, I pushed through and did not give up. In maybe a sinful way, I am proud of myself (another area to work on). But it makes me happy to see the progress. And I truly am looking for the next thing coming. I am sure I am not ready for it, but I am actually looking for ways to overstretch myself and see what I can take. Who knows what might happen, but I have realized quite a few places that need serious work (pride, selfishness, communication, truly loving other people, what it means to "love God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your might," et cetera).

Another update, this whole radical honesty thing has been an interesting journey. Not as easy as you think, because in a lot of ways it can be rude and selfish what you are thinking. But it has let me be more honest with myself and be more honest with my own feelings. So it is a step in the right direction, but I have not jumped all in with everything. I can't yet. Even though it does not require permanence, it does require commitment.

Except for that, I am fed up with so much of the horrible lies and facades people live with every day. It is suffocating. It is lies and I truly wish people could be honest and cut through the crap that hold us back from our full potential. It is the honesty that is so painful that we choose to lie. It is so frustrating for each of us to desire to be the best versions of ourselves but to have every person lie to you in order to save face. That is my current frustration.

And those are my current thoughts.
I am going to go back to my thoughts.

To be honest

What would happen if we (or selfishly: I) never lied again in my life? Isn't that my Christian duty? Then why do we -- especially as Christians -- skirt around that issue? What if I was completely honest with every person that I deal with every day. I know that right now I would hurt a lot of feelings.

To start, I am really depressed. I am upset at the world for a million reasons. I don't want to deal with people or their drama. I really just want people to care about me.

My parents are stressing me out. I have never liked Christmas mainly for this reason. At least my sisters are cool even though I don't feel like I am anything like them. We just share blood and the same family struggles.

I want to work things out with this girl, but I feel that she despises me currently for a few reasons which I can't completely blame her. But she is not making things easy and I am stressing out because I would love to have her back in my life, but I don't want to hurt her again, and I know that is always a possibility.

To stay on that topic, here at Peet's, I noticed the girl working here, the girl sitting behind me, the two girls in front of me, the girl (I think) trying to work things out with her boyfriend (who looked like a douche) and the two or three other semi-attractive girls that have walked in. But honestly, I would not want at all to be with any of these girls, I just want to feel attractive and feel important by talking to them and having them interested in me. I feel slightly prideful and selfish about that. Okay, quite a bit prideful.

I hate that 85%+ of my sentences start with "I..." and most every blog is completely about me. I wish I was a better writer and people would want to read this because it is a great literary piece -- which it is not. I wish most every thought I had was not about trying to fix things with myself but rather to care and love those around me. But what should I expect when I feel completely alone and that no one gives a ........ about me? Just feelings, right?

I am so glad that this is Christmas break and that I don't have to deal with school because it is a waste of time and I am way smarter than most of the people there and I should be able to do whatever I want/anything I can accomplish if only I didn't have to deal with these personal complexes and fear most of which I want to blame on my upbringing.

I am a completely selfish and prideful person. But before you judge me, at least I am doing something about it. And I feel that most people could never handle what I am going through to try to fix that within me. Not to be existential, but if only more people would quit their complaining and do something their lives would be much better and they would be much better people. All the crying and pain that I have been dealing with the last few weeks has been worth it and I know that I will be a much better person after it all.

I do not know what else to say; I think I got most of it out that was on the tip of my brain, but I also know that there is much more in there. This is only a semi-ranting about my life. As selfish as it is, I am only trying to be honest, so do not try to judge me. If you really think I am wrong, tell me. And then I can prove you wrong, but at least we can have a serious and honest conversation.

There will be more posts like this, I am sure.

For more info, check out Radical Honesty or an interview of the guy by AJ Jacobs.

For Survival

The human body and the emotional state of man tries to push past certain emotional and ideological blocks in life. It is our new trials for survival of the fittest with completely new rules. Completely new desires. Completely new outcomes.

With our few human desires: first love, second I don’t know, that first one is all that I have deduced to have true meaning. The other desires tend to branch off the first. These desires are completed through different relationships, all which are human and therefore flawed. The flaws in each of our relationships stem from our own lack of human decision making which lately, I have personally seen fallen completely apart all too often. In all of this, we look to grow and survive from our own human emotion and anger at ourselves. Especially it exasperates itself when it is pushed up in your face after a long absence by trying to deal with it separately. New feelings, emotions, struggles fall upon you as you realize the full capacity of what you have lost and where your decisions have brought you. When consequences move from a ideological standpoint to an actual and emotional one.

When these consequences arise, we all deal with them differently. As any being, we look to lessen the pain. An outlet for our feelings. As I try to get rid of the emotions and think straight, these desires for an outlet mount and the emotions take over. I sit back, look for an outlet, look for some way to alleviate the pain at my own stupidity.

And I honestly laughed at myself today -- not that it is a new thing -- but at the way I was trying to go about doing this. I had a few options: continue in my feeling sorry for myself and at my stupid decisions; move on and just continue trying to block the emotions; or jump ahead, prove to everybody that I am better than everybody while denying the emotions. None of these were practical, none of these would actually work. This stupid idea made me think I needed to make all this money so I could instead move on and move up in the world. My own stupidity decides that money will fix things. I can’t do that. Money will not do anything. It will only move myself from one place to another with the same person. I need to fix me. I need to change myself. As high school kids turn into college kids turn into kids with careers with their own kids, nothing changes with the person unless they do something to grow up. Nothing changes except the surroundings and the circumstances.

So here I continue alone with my hopes and dreams and funny stupid ideas. It will finish out, and I know it will be better. You tend to go where you are looking, so I will keep looking to where I need to be. This boy to man thing is really draining.

"Mistakes of Ambition"

In this blizzard of life with consequences, emotions, fears, and more flying all around me I am only trying to find a way to grow up.

As I try more and more and harder and harder to become the person I feel I should be, more problems arise and weaknesses show themselves. And without any one really teaching me or showing me, I am lost in my own path groping around for direction and ideas. Machiavelli in The Prince wrote "All courses of action are risky, so prudence is not in avoiding danger (it's impossible), but calculating risk and acting decisively. Make mistakes of ambition and not mistakes of sloth. Develop the strength to do bold things, not the strength to suffer." [emphasis mine]

I have no clue what I am doing, I just know that I need to be doing. So I am not running in order to go faster, but to run longer and run further. I am truly sorry for everyone I hurt along the way, I feel bad because of how I have been hurt, but this is not about me. It is not my intention. It is only my fallacies as a human without any direction or mentor. As I look to certain people, I try to grasp some idea of being a man and this month has given me clarity without distractions around me. I have found some direction and maturity, and I have seen that I'll be needing more of it.

So here I continue on, so much going on, but I will keep going, because I would rather make mistakes of ambition. Life will go on, and I refuse to be stagnant where I am.

Have caffeine, will write

As I sit here in Peet's, I've eaten a brownie (I try to resist, but I can't) and sipped on two shots (I don't resist, they're cheap). But the more time I spend here, the less I accomplish. There is so much to do, so much time.

It has been almost two weeks since I have cut myself off music, movies, etc., and it has been refreshing yet debilitating. As productive as it can be, the productive juices have since stopped flowing. Not to say I had a lot before, but I cannot think. This is somewhat a good thing considering all the thoughts running through my head constantly. My to-do list is completed quickly, but I cannot think of more to add. So many things are in my goal/future column, but all the stuff preceding that have been cleared out of my head. With only one blog post previously this month shows how much hasn't been on my mind.

To look on the positive side, my thought life (if there is such a thing) has been completely revamped. Instead of perusing floating emotions and ideas and everything moving in and out of my mind, I finally stopped the clutter and focus on a topic until it ends. Come to a conclusion and quit wasting my time and stress on it. Also, my focus has been able to reap a few rewards. Homework is done quickly. Time is less pressed. My to-do list is cleared. My mind is less cluttered. And my conscience is less desensitized (ie. movies). But I have not decided what I want to do with it. Songs are so embedded so deep in my head that I can't not have them running through my head. It refuses to stop. My alarm will inhibit my mind all morning as mental chewing gum.

Also, as a positive, I am starting on my photography business. Continually I am pushing myself to find new things and go out and just shoot. So much in the photographic business world has opened up. So many ideas, procedures, possibilities. And it only costs money to start. But what do I have to lose. I am tired of spinning my tires and dragging my feet. This is going to start. It will be something. I am doubtful it will make my millions, but we will work on that later. I need more creative juices for that all to start.

The last month of the year

As I further myself from continuing the blog each day, I get less and less used to it.

I just deleted a long post that really came out to nothing; it was complete crap.

So instead, I will tell you my plans for December, which I do not know why, or why I should tell you all.

First, I am not listening to music at home, in the car, or anywhere where I don't need it. Basically, only when I am working at Peet's and need to silence the noise around me. Otherwise, I am trying to silence all the noise that I keep running all the time. Already I have less distractions and more focus on my thoughts.

Second, I am not watching TV or movies unless it is with a group of people. I don't want to be the lame guy who isn't watching TV for no reason and stops everybody else from doing it. I have just decided that when I am alone, it is more of a distraction than any type of help. Once again, I have already realized how much it kills any productivity and grabs my interest without any type of reward. It is just a waste.

Third, the only thing I am going to buy is Christmas presents for other people. I do not need anything. I never do. I just want things. So unless it is food or other staples of my existence [that sounds philosophical, what exactly are staples of existence?] I am going to keep from buying it until after this year.

Fourth, the thing that started this idea of cutting back from the distractions, is the time I spend at Barnes & Nobles with the magazines. From design to architecture to photography to style, all magazines are created as information to sell. There is a ton of good information in them, and that is the main reason I read them. But until after Christmas (since that is when they'll have the new one's anyway) I am choosing not to look at any magazines. Most of this stems from the fact that most magazines are filled more with ads than articles, and magazines ads are many times more productive at selling than TV and radio and all other types of advertising. I will still be spending time at Barnes & Noble, but so far, I have started two different books, and I am learning to speed read. It is quite easy.

That is all. Hopefully this will help me out and answer a few questions I have about myself.

Mindful Wanderings on a Sunny Day

It was too nice outside to be in. But there was too little time for a run or ride or anything else I would normally do. So I just walked outside without a coat or a plan. It was kind of freeing. No pressure. I had 45 minutes until one of my friends came over. Time to kill.

There was nothing on my mind. Correction: there was a million things in my mind, but nothing to think about. To focus my energy on. So I just walked.

I found myself again at peet's. Outside, cross-legged, in a chair on the patio. Again, there was nothing to dwell on. I slightly felt purposeless, but I let that thought pass as well. I just thought about the people, the conversations, the memories, here at this table and just around.

Is this the story, the timeline being written about life? Here on Sunday morning with the world in front of me. What is my next move? What is happening next?

Who knows. But I have another twenty minutes to sit here in the sun. I'll think about it.

As Time Goes By

Counting time by how many 2-hour internet passes at Peet's coffee, puts into perspective all that I have been trying to accomplish. Focusing on what is most important and effective attempts to train yourself to work smarter as well as harder. To be honest, I think I have spent more than 17 hours over the last week. I never thought I would be a coffee shop rat, but since I get so much more accomplished here than at home, I justify the $2.15 I spend for two shots of espresso with a packet of raw sugar.

As I try to focus on the unending amount of information I am trying to glean from the internet and books, these 17+ hours have taught me more than this whole term at PSU costing more than $2500 not including lost time working and travel costs. It amazes me that we as a civilization are still trapped in this cycle of college teachers pretending to know what they are talking about when all they need is to be re-hired. Maybe I am just upset that I am getting what I pay for and really need just something more than Portland. My dreams are too big for my city. And not in any pretensious way, but I really want to conquer the world. And I feel more suppressed by the institutionalized education system than liberated. All this, plus the whole holiday season (that I have never really enjoyed) and the impending cold, impending weather, and shorter days (not to add my recent failures as a man) have put me back into this funk that I have been fighting all fall. It is another season that has dampened the great excitement of the summer. It really is just a smack of reality after a season of optimism. Here is where the rubber meets the road (to use the cliche) and we must reorganize our lives and priorities in order to continue on in a realistic manner.

You realize quickly who your friends are and who you consider as friends. You prioritize much differently. And important things are rearranged in your schedule. It is an important excercise that awkwardly happens annually. How can we continue on without being slaves to this system? How can we control it without it controlling us? Or is it even possible? Or is it really the best since we must take inventory of our thought again as a systematic task.

Maybe I am overthinking. or maybe overworking. I hope not, because I really want to be something bigger than myself and accomplish something that means more to me than myself. Freedom is really all that everybody wants in life. I am not an exception. I just do not want to be average.

Boy A

Rarely does a movie choose you while you choose a movie. Rarely does a movie hit you so powerfully without you realizing it until you nearly cry at the end because of its relation to you. All I looked for was a good movie. Something that was worth my time, and this one barely beat out There Will Be Blood, only because it was shorter.

As it started, I thought of the unrealism and the lack of necessary items that usually make me dislike most movies. But for some reason, I immediately told myself that movies, especially independent films, are meant for the hypothetical purpose, not as much for the great plot, story, acting, realism, etc. This captivating story of this boy becoming a man shows a distinct line between who we are and who we want to be. But the problem is that we cannot disconnect the two.

I spent the day alone. It was quite interesting. I have not done that in a while. I went to church, late, went to Peet's, saw some people, then did a few errands and whatever afterwards. There were few and short conversations over phone and stuff, but nothing in person. But as this position I am in continually grows in oposition towards me, I try to keep my footing, control my thoughts, and keep my vision. My mind is scattered as I try to keep it that way.

The truth is told. Your past catches up with the present. The past never changes, it only changes who you are. The people in your past try to change, but their actions never do. I help work with kids, all we want is love. All we want is hope and a future.

Where do you go, when all you're going to is away?

Now

As I come off this seasonal high and get hit in the face with a reality and my own stupidity, these desires for happiness turn back into desires for meaning. There is a huge difference. As I sit in Peet's coffee for the last 3 hours, I pore over the many aspects of my life that are conducted over business, research, and life on the internet and my computer. From social networking to craigslist to google and wikipedia. This is where I am content spending my time since there is no one at home or anything really to do on a sunny yet cold Sunday afternoon.

As the evening crew (and regular customers) rotates to the other familiar faces, I look for my exit, my reason to leave. Why does it need to be philosophical? Why can it not be a simple reason to switch activities and audience? I am looking for something. Something worthwhile that can captivate my attention, not just entertain it. As I watch a customer struggle with the creamer and all the condiment options, I think first, that I am entertained by it, and second, that it is so easy to get frustrated with the little things in life that seem to make the simplicities of life unnecessarily frustrating.

Also, I watch and converse with the many previous Starbucks customers that I know, and I also talk to the new people I know from here and try to find something that relates (yes, philosophical again). I realize that there will always be new people to fill the voids where the old left. But only to a degree. As a photograph freezes that time and feeling from an old experience, so did those old friends have a nostalgic way of remembering younger times in life. Growth is measured relative to the past. You hope to be a better person than the day before. This is not always so, but it is the goal. And as I fight through the feelings and accept the consequences of my regression from progression, I try to be mature and respect those who are harmed by my actions. I try to be constructive and find the positive, do what I can do, and take a hit as I move on. Progress.

What is the next step? I have no clue. I have some desires. Some ideas and possibilities, but nothing quite feels right. I cannot deny the emotions nor do I want to. I want to take this anger at myself and funnel it into something that accelerates my learning. This one step back means that I have to run faster than before. It has made me stronger. I am not grown up, but I am older and hopefully better than yesterday. So even though I sit here in a coffee shop imagining what I would like to do, I have the knowledge that those desires will become reality. I have the ability to move on and keep this momentum going. The emotions will soon become secondary and I will find the direction again. The new direction towards meaning.

Staring at Stupidity

I sit here in disgust with myself. I can only think about my amazing failures directly in front of me. I cannot justify it, although I want to. I cannot accept it, because I am stupid. And I cannot correct it, because it is past due. The truth stares at me. The reality of the consequences glare me down.

As easy as it is to look down on those around me, as I have all day, how ironic that it turns around on me. Building myself up as I stand on others, puts more pain in my heart because I forget to look at who I am standing on. I felt so smart. I felt so wise. I felt so much better than I have in a long time. Now it crashes down on myself as a foolish misstep in my journey of life. My mind wants to go off on how livid I am with myself, but I try to contain my sanity; to claim this maturity that has done me so well. *sarcasm.*

Although it hurts me that I have done no better than the people I despise have done to me, I want to be better. I need to be better than that. I have to prove to myself that I am better, because I have proved to those closest to me that I am not. Where do I go from here? Right now I go nowhere. Right now I wallow in my own foolish and stupid actions. There is not another choice. I accept the guilt, and wish I could fix it, but the way to reconcile is not apparent right now. Instead I take the frustration, the anger and disappointment and attempt to channel it into something worthwhile. Push myself because of my failures. In spite of my failures. Because I know I will continue to fail, only I hope... I don't know what I hope for. I hate myself right now, and the truly stupid things that I do.

The Desire 2

As I really disect the reasons I have behind the desires I have, there are a few things that come to the front. More than just the sex appeal, more than the shallow desire for excess, more than the power and positioning money can give. There seems to be an understanding of success associated with being rich. I want to be successful. With my new business, the thought of signing my own paychecks is exciting. That is one step in the direction of success and just having a sense of personal satisfaction and accomplishment.

On top of that, there is the idea of just having, and having more. Although shallow, the attention gained from having new, interesting, flashy stuff is a huge appeal. You can get attention from most people by being able to show off. It is the most immature, yet real reason.

This last reason has been something I have realized lately that underlies who I am. In a way it seems selfish and lazy, but in reality it is a desire for freedom and the ability to live without bounds. I want to be financially free, able to live off interest so that I don't become a prisoner of the 9-5. I hate the idea of doing the same thing over and over. I want my life back from corporate America and the ideas behind it. I want to be able to get away and live without the chains that most Americans have. The chains of bills, mortgage, and mediocrity. It is pathetic and I know there is more without being sucked into the endless desire for just having more.

Attempt: success

It actually felt right. Something changed. I want to credit certain people doing (or rather not doing) certain things, but I do not want to start blaming or promoting one person over another. That is how we got into this mess (well, more or less).

But beside all that, the fact is that we are here at this point. And this point is leaps and bounds further than we have ever been. I am excited for once. I feel a sense of belonging. I hope it is not just me that feels this. As I have been growing up, I have been watching my mind look at things and think of things so much differently. How I am looking at this now is drastically new, and exciting to the opening possibilities that could actually happen.

For once, I am happy about this situation and where it is headed.

My Moral Obligations

Ought, should, moral right, whatever is it? How should I act? What should I do? What is our higher calling, and why do we not do it?

It seems so simple: give to those who need. But instead we want to keep selfishly and greedily. And if we do give, it is somehow twisted for our own selfish gain. There is no morality. Life is sinful and corrupt. But it makes so much sense. It is the same as cleaning our bathroom. If we did it little by little, when we have free time, it wouldn't get so dirty it takes a lot of time and a lot of cleaning. But that is the problem, we are too absorbed in our own self-satisfying, narcissistic world that we cannot even see the things around us that we have the ability to help.

I have been preaching to those around me, whether straight at them through encouragement, advice, or correction, or in my own head against them by bringing them down, degrading them, and judging them. And that is no better. I need to practice what I preach, if only to myself. We all know it is not our first reaction. We all know it is not in our own interest. But we do know it is what is right. It is our duty.

Attempt #1

As in all things, it there is a first step. Every journey starts with one, and they are never less than a single step.

So here goes. It had started before, but that is all. It just started. I tried to let things be, hoping the issues would fix themselves once the ball got rolling. But as with all things in life, it's not that easy. Life continued. And it went back to the normal. The normal that none of us wanted to come back to.

So I attempt again. This time a bit more personal than topical. It is hard to take myself out of the situation and think objectively. It worked well, but not great. As I imagined, it did nor happen. Such is life, I guess. If only I could be real. If only I could let go and let it be. If only things could work as I hoped. Then what? Who knows.

I will get off my own case and continue on. No journey is short. Thanks to Murphey, no fix will be simple nor permanent. We can only continue on, attempt after attempt, to make life better.

The Desire

I know what it is. The desire for more; the feeling of inadequacy. It is just consumerism. It is pure American want. It is the American Dream. The purchasing power that we all want. It is BS. Why do I feel I need it? I don't. There is nothing that I need. I could even go without food for a few days and be fine. The diet or fast could actually be beneficial. I don't need anything. But the desire is still there. The want for cars, girls, and money. It is a security that comes with money. And why wouldn't any man want an extremely attractive woman. The car is obvious as well. Who doesn't want to go as fast as possible? But the empty desire for more is what is pointless and vain. There is more to life than having more. This feeling of loneliness will not be fixed with more crap. Only a few things will truly satisfy. And they won't be found in an ad.

The foreign Thought

To be honest, it is amusing when people do not understand it. The action of it, or the reasoning for it. It isn't painless. It isn't selfish. It is real and more powerful than you could imagine.

There was an article I read about another writer who comitted his life. Even in spite of his success and fame, the powers that be would not allow him to enjoy it. The biographer could not grasp the idea. The reality eluded him. Although his wife came near it, even still, the depth and solitude cannot be fathomed by those who continue on day by day without ever thinking of it. The bottom isn't so low for them to think of quitting. Giving up has never been an option in this regard. Millions of people have thought of this, many have done it. I have even thought of it [past tense]. When you hit the bottom, then the floor drops out, there isn't another option, because there is no hope, no light at the end of the tunnel. That light is only an idea, not an actual reality. What is real is the fear. The pain. The words from those above you telling you that you are foolish and worthless.

It is not intended to be a selfish act. Only a hope for something better. The compete lack of strength to be here. Blame the chemicals or the media or even the people themselves. But the hope is only for hope. Only an imaginary flare up for love before forever again being forgotten. All it is is hoping for love. Isn't that what everybody wants?

Selfish Desires

Besides the obvious, why am I so selfish? Why do I covet and desire the nice, expensive things? Why do I want money and things?

Beside the obvious fact that they are nicer, and I want money so I do not have to worry about bills and having whatever whenever, there is something under the fact that I want. I want what I do not have. Is that the only reason? I don't think so. Is it to prove something? Then what am I proving, and to who am I proving it? It could be to prove success, I could agree with that, but that asks what is success? Or it could be to prove something to everybody. But why? Most people see rich people as selfish, stuck up jerks. Will it give me respect maybe? Or am I trying to prove something to myself? Once again, why? I am still trying to figure out who I am exactly, maybe this is part of who I am. I just do not see the purpose of proving something to myself. It is slightly ironic, or oximoronic.

I guess I just do not understand the purpose of the underlying sin and desire in my heart for things. There is so much that I want to have, I want to work for, and I'd be willing to spend my life acquiring. But what is the point? Why the desire?

Why are people so hard to get along with

Every single time. The exact same thing. Some people refuse to change, grow up, and compromise to try to make things better for everyone around them. It is as if they have something to prove to everybody and will not give up until everybody is pissed off. Are they blind? Are we all blind?

I just pray I can keep my composure in spite of the immaturity.

As We Walk by

After my last post, looking to talk to at least two new people each day, I actually accomplished the task before my first class. One person I knew from working at Starbucks, and another as I was waiting for my class to start. It honestly opened up my eyes to the sense that people are just as willing to talk if you talk to them and create something interesting to talk about. And you are much more friendly when you are looking for someone to talk to. It is cyclical.

But that got me to think about all the people here at Portland State, and the millions of people in Portland and the surrounding metro area that walk within inches of me everyday. The people that interact within feet of me and are around me the whole day. How many people are so different and have their own lives just as I do. How is it that I continue to walk on without a care in the world? Why is it so American for us to not care?

So as part of that, I want to encourage people to comment on these posts. I know people read them, and if you think, then you probably have an opinion. Therefore, let me know. Let us have a public discussion. I want to know. The reality is that life is not all about me. And it is not about you either, but that is the point. Live life for something more.