"Mistakes of Ambition"

In this blizzard of life with consequences, emotions, fears, and more flying all around me I am only trying to find a way to grow up.

As I try more and more and harder and harder to become the person I feel I should be, more problems arise and weaknesses show themselves. And without any one really teaching me or showing me, I am lost in my own path groping around for direction and ideas. Machiavelli in The Prince wrote "All courses of action are risky, so prudence is not in avoiding danger (it's impossible), but calculating risk and acting decisively. Make mistakes of ambition and not mistakes of sloth. Develop the strength to do bold things, not the strength to suffer." [emphasis mine]

I have no clue what I am doing, I just know that I need to be doing. So I am not running in order to go faster, but to run longer and run further. I am truly sorry for everyone I hurt along the way, I feel bad because of how I have been hurt, but this is not about me. It is not my intention. It is only my fallacies as a human without any direction or mentor. As I look to certain people, I try to grasp some idea of being a man and this month has given me clarity without distractions around me. I have found some direction and maturity, and I have seen that I'll be needing more of it.

So here I continue on, so much going on, but I will keep going, because I would rather make mistakes of ambition. Life will go on, and I refuse to be stagnant where I am.