As Time Goes By

Counting time by how many 2-hour internet passes at Peet's coffee, puts into perspective all that I have been trying to accomplish. Focusing on what is most important and effective attempts to train yourself to work smarter as well as harder. To be honest, I think I have spent more than 17 hours over the last week. I never thought I would be a coffee shop rat, but since I get so much more accomplished here than at home, I justify the $2.15 I spend for two shots of espresso with a packet of raw sugar.

As I try to focus on the unending amount of information I am trying to glean from the internet and books, these 17+ hours have taught me more than this whole term at PSU costing more than $2500 not including lost time working and travel costs. It amazes me that we as a civilization are still trapped in this cycle of college teachers pretending to know what they are talking about when all they need is to be re-hired. Maybe I am just upset that I am getting what I pay for and really need just something more than Portland. My dreams are too big for my city. And not in any pretensious way, but I really want to conquer the world. And I feel more suppressed by the institutionalized education system than liberated. All this, plus the whole holiday season (that I have never really enjoyed) and the impending cold, impending weather, and shorter days (not to add my recent failures as a man) have put me back into this funk that I have been fighting all fall. It is another season that has dampened the great excitement of the summer. It really is just a smack of reality after a season of optimism. Here is where the rubber meets the road (to use the cliche) and we must reorganize our lives and priorities in order to continue on in a realistic manner.

You realize quickly who your friends are and who you consider as friends. You prioritize much differently. And important things are rearranged in your schedule. It is an important excercise that awkwardly happens annually. How can we continue on without being slaves to this system? How can we control it without it controlling us? Or is it even possible? Or is it really the best since we must take inventory of our thought again as a systematic task.

Maybe I am overthinking. or maybe overworking. I hope not, because I really want to be something bigger than myself and accomplish something that means more to me than myself. Freedom is really all that everybody wants in life. I am not an exception. I just do not want to be average.