Restless Nights

Here I lay again. Tossing back and forth, looking for a position, looking for an empty mind. I cannot find either. My mind wanders everywhere from who I would like to be, business ideas, and course love. But I'll mostly leave that one alone since it is early the morning and I have already talked about that enough. So what will say about that is that late night thoughts rarely do as you intend, so my mind has seemed to go back on the past, it digs up feelings and tries to put them together in weird ways. To finish thought, I heard a quote that said something like if there were no women in this world, there would be no need for money. Interpret it as you wish, but I think I know what the speaker is hinting at.

And that gets me to my next thought running through my head. It goes
along with business ventures, but more importantly, who do I want become? Not in a philosophical ideological way of what should become, but more of a "who are my heroes?" And to be honest, I never had a hero. I only get one long enough to find their fault and burn their credibility in my mind. There are people I respect and listen to their advice, but not since I have had these ideas and dreams within reach of starting few businesses and actually becoming something, making a name for myself, my mind takes the liberty of taking those dreams to fullest, almost absurd stretch of the imagination, yet nothing I'd be opposed to right now. It is thinking of unimagineable wealth power and fame. My mind puts in ideas of flying around the globe for business and pleasure to meet celebrities and VIP's. I add my flair and fuel the fire created in my mind.

But back to my original question, who would I want to be like? What man would embody who I would like to become? I think of people who doers or stand-outs or pioneers. Just to lay it out and quit along, I would love the class of someone like John Legend or Clooney. But also the ingenuity and humility of Jeff Bezos or google guys. There's nothing like the power and influence of Trump, but I pray I'll chop my head off before I have hair like that. But I also want to be reserved and a bit of quietness like Matt Damon.

As soon as I sit down and think more deeply about it, my mind both running and blank at the same time. I wonder what these guys up late thinking about or who they want to become. I wonder if had restless nights becoming who they are today.