Only a week-and-a-half late

And there goes another post to the trash.

So I take role again. What am I trying to say? Is it really important enough to post? Or am I still trying to figure it out in my head before I post it to the world? Who am I kidding. I post these for myself as a window into my life. I do not care who reads it. If you decide to look, then fine, but I have tried writing for others before and it did not work as I like. So here goes.

What am I doing here? I know I have drive and such, but once again I see where I am lacking and where I come up short. Again I am having to reprioritize and focus on the things I want to accomplish.

But that brings another question. What do I really want to accomplish, and why? [I am honestly tired of typing question marks. fun fact] What is the importance to the questions I am asking? I heard someone comment on the question of what is the purpose of life, and his take was that it is one of the most stupid, ambiguous and vague questions in the world. No wonder people cannot answer it. Why should we take it seriously? Who cares? It is not important. But then what is the question we should be asking? Whatever it is, it needs to be answerable. That is what I am working on right now. Quit wasting time on stupid things and focus on what I want to do today.

I sit here, again for the millionth time thinking the same things and getting somewhere but in reality it is nowhere. My life has been chasing its tail expecting to find something once it is caught, but where does it lead? It just turns circles while justifying that at least I am getting exercise.

These last few weeks of horrendous stress have left me at a loss for words and strength. I will be happy when these few things have passed and I can again think straight, start searching again for the purpose of life [sarcasm] and find traction. But I have realized that in this whole goal of being a better person will only get me better than the next guy. What is the true goal? What is it that I really want? Maybe I can be specific and instead list out what I could change. Be a better person there, but this ideal is a complete lie in reality. I need to focus, once again.