I am starting again

Here goes again. Just around the corner seems to be this motherlode for my final push into something. It is a sink-or-swim that I have been struggling in. Allowing myself to either wallow or drown, imagining that I am forcing myself stronger, but I don't need to fight when I can stand in the shallow end. Life has become simple yet complex all in the same week. With a few things I see how easy it could be and realize the distance I need to run, but readying myself for it. But as soon as I start, I allow the complexity of it all to beat me down. I am about to push back as soon as I find myself again. As soon as I start fighting smarter instead of pushing back on the stupid wall that will get me nowhere.

I realize the lameness of this post, and I really do not care. Once again in my life, I have to start where I am at. This isn't where I will stay. Life and time will carry on with or without me. Part of me just hopes and prays that I will keep up, but whatever happens will be what happens. Trying to push off stress and the people that frustrate me is just another losing battle. I am stopping to smell the roses for once. I won't stay long. There are more important things to do.

The drive and desire have slowed down for a little bit, but they will be back soon. I am out there searching for them. It won't be long.

"Death is nothing, but to live defeated and inglorious is to die daily" - Napoleon