Another Year, A New Day

There is no use in making resolutions. I personally despise all that lazy people that clog up the gyms for the first two or three months of the year because they feel this will be different than the last 5 years. But that is not the point, it actually ruins my own quasi-resolutions I have already started.

Trying to remember what happened in 2008 is more of a chore than I imagined. It was a less memorable year than I would have expected, maybe since most of everything really happened in the last six months made it feel longer and more eventful than it should have. Or my standard for having a "good" year is skewed. Truly looking back I see more growth than events, and now I realize the genesis of this year is so different yet familiar. [yes, I feel smart because I used the word "genesis" in place of "beginning" and it was without a thesaurus. Now I just feel pretensious]

But to recap, the last few years have put me back at the exact same place with just a bunch of experiences and memories yet no major change. Now I go into this year without that same baggage and instead I have this new huge responsibility and delicate being in my hand which requires my attention and detailed focus. Along with the many other things on my mind and important in my life, this one trumps them all in the return and the chance to fix my shortcomings. The delicacy of life is not something to take lightly or for granted. And although my fears and personal feelings continue to throw thoughts against me, I know that my decision to press on will kill these thoughts and fears. Empowering.

While I still fight battles on other courts, they feel miniscule and I realize they will fall into place given time. Although their frustrations continue stronger than before, this break has given me time to refresh and stable myself for more.

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I feel as though I am dancing around a few things and being to vague as I try to think deeply into this whole new year stuff.

So much in this new year is just another day coming and going. But I feel like a completely new person ready to deal with it. For once I do not care about what is to happen, but just what I am going to do with it. I am not ready for the worse, but I will deal with it when it happens. Time will continue and it will pass. Although I feel that recently I have been cut down and taken back and as though I am unable to truly be honest on this one place where I can speak freely, it is taken for what it is worth, considered the source, compartmentalized, and continued living. I cannot focus on that and the people that understand me the least. I have never liked being told what to do or how to live my life, only a few people have my respect to the point of giving me that advice, so now I take the hit, review my own emotions and responses to the event and continue on.

This is a new year, but it is also just another year, another day, another morning, another evening. So the activities that I focus on from getting up and going to bed are the same as before. I want to continue with this momentum into this year, and what is with me will continue with me. Here the experiments of my life will continue to advance as I keep going. "Life is a journey, not a race." "Many a misstep was taken by standing still."

This is not the post I imagined when I started, but it cleared my mind of some of the thoughts and feelings as I start having to write 09 instead of 08.

Happy New Year.