Contentment with Complacency

Maybe because it just is not me. Maybe because I hate it in my own life and cannot quite find the that contentment with myself.

When is it safe to be complacent? Why do people choose to stop and allow life to pass by? Steve Prefontaine said that "To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift."

Part of me wants to rant about people and their selfish laziness, but I cannot honestly and without guilt condemn that because I know I have been there and I know I have felt the same. But for some reason as I am now, I want nothing more than to be the best version of myself as possible. Maybe that is selfish pride, but at least I am doing something and progressing. I can either fight it by sitting down, or by standing up, and I choose to keep moving as long as I have the strength. "Many a misstep was taken by standing still."

I wonder if my own drive will turn complacent. I worry I will lose motivation. This week the stress of change nearly crippled me, but as I face it and fight against it the power crumbles and the fear disappears. This would not have been possible within the last few months, but if I continue to find the motivation to proceed and live not for myself but choose to truly love God and love those in my life, then I do not see a reason this progression could end. The only fear that continues is the knowledge of what lies between me and who I want to be. Up the hill, across the plain I see the bodies slain out and the emotions and demons that plague my life. The continuous fear and stress placed only secondary to the true fights and struggles that define my life have been losses in the past, but here is a new day, here is a new contestant. I see a fraction of the strength that I will need, I only hope that I reject the contentment of the progress and refuse to settle with what is given and fight for more, not in a selfish way, but in a way that decides to continue on, decides to never be complacent.