Sorry for all the love

I apologize for all these posts about emotions and love, but, to be honest, it has been on my mind a lot lately. I have been trying to decide something, figure out where my heart is and everything involved. But I have to admit, I am desperately negative about this whole thing. Maybe it is my parents sad marriage that turns me off. Maybe it is the statistics that back up my fear. Maybe it is all the past relationships that have failed miserably because -- what I want to blame as -- my shortcomings. Or maybe it is that when I felt closest to someone was after everything was falling apart. Or that the person that I feel has loved me the most, I don't really know how to handle.

The last few relationships that I have tried have (with mixed reviews) failed, in the sense that they basically will not come of anything. Not to discredit what was there or what was felt, but there was always something lacking. I wonder if there will always be something lacking. Is there someone that will completely fulfill the promise of love? Or is that just Hollywood BS? I try to say that I do not care, but I do. I try to say that I am going to be mature, and think like an adult, and I want to prove those statistics wrong. I want to live for something more, to give something more, without always holding out on a bet that could be the best payoff ever. But I am not betting on love, I am living life.

This is life.