Seriously, what is love. what is it?

Here is the blog that has been marinating in my mind all week or more. It has been bouncing around my head, snowballing around in my head, trying to get out, trying to make sense of all the senselessness. And it is not so much a paragraph or essay as it is a feeling. It has somehow made up its own mind.

Well maybe it hasn't completely made up its mind. I will try another take at this paragraph, the last few didn't work so well.

The fact is that something within all of us searches all the time for something more meaningful than we are. More powerful and deep than what we have been living for so far, which is ourselves. The greed and selfishness within ourselves steps aside for only a few things, and love is one. It is the purpose that contains within us the ability to move on. But this must be done only after our selfishness can subside. I am only talking about true, real love, not the crap you see on tv. If tv was real, I would be an actor, because they are the only ones that are getting it, or rather the perfect rendition of what we all wish it were. If only we had a perfect script that enabled every one of us to be exactly what we wished and said what we wished and had what we wished. But this is not some romantic comedy with the perfect setup for a happy ending, this is the only shot we have at not screwing every last thing in the world up. This is our opportunity to pursue and fight for someone we care about. To push past our selfish desires to pridefully exclaim that we are better than we are and to imagine that there is possibly someone who is absolutely perfect as opposed to just better than I am. To some extent I have finally seen a glimpse of real love. I haven't felt or understood it before. I have tried to imagine, I have felt something like it--which is something like obsession or imagination--and I have finally understood what it is like to see clearly how much God has loved us so that we can have the ability to love.

I cannot remember ever typing that fast in order to get all my feelings out of my head. It is as if the feelings in my body could not wait to get freed. And here I sit, still musing about the thoughts I have put down. Somehow love is more than a song, more than a poem, more than a cute girl, but yet that is it entirely. The dichotomy of both simple and complex tend to confuse more than not, but somehow the ideas and feelings flow together when allowed to be. Allowed to breathe and live. My mind is still wrestling with all these ideas bouncing around, but something has broken out, something has understood life a little more. These little epiphanies make life much more exciting and real. Way better than tv.