Extreme OCD

So paralyzed by fear. And it is fear which is unseated in anything meaningful. Obsessive compulsive people act out of irrational fears. We all have some irrational fears. And we all act out of some sense of fear. Fear and greed, they are the strongest motivators known to man. Some people have better control, yet some are completely controlled by them.

Today I saw a man who could not face the counter at the coffee shop. He decided to walk backwards the entire time and never looked at a single person. It was the oddest thing I have ever seen in real life. How do you get to that point? Where is his disconnect between his world and reality? What kind of thought process justifies such irrational behavior. I have had friends who must hit the button for the crosswalk a certain number of times, must wash their face a certain number of times, wash their hands in the restroom at least a certain number of times. Most of these are the are thanks to the marketing of cleaning product companies and overzealous news anchors. The foolish and extreme stories that are based on minor details and random facts to manufacture a story to sell to gullible people. They manufacture fear. And fearful people soak it up. It is why people are more afraid of the public bathroom than the public pool which has more excrements and is dirtier than most bathrooms.

But as I look into my own unsettled fear, what is causing irrational behavior for myself? What are my own irrational behaviors that are seated in unjustifiable fears? Why do I refuse to wear red, white, and blue in one outfit, even if it doesn't look patriotic or coordinated? Why do I sometimes fidget on my phone in order to feel productive or busy rather than sit there comfortably alone in the moment? Why do I clam up whenever I talk with attractive girls even if there is no reason to be afraid? Why do I focus so much on other peoples' thoughts and approval of my every move when I know it is impossible to satisfy them all? And why do I fear so much of my future that I usually refuse to risk it?

So much progress has been made on where I have been previously, but still so much remains left perfectly irrational (such an oxymoron). So this is the fight. This is the struggle between actions and fear-filled twisted logic. How would it even look if we could live without fear? in perfect rationality? What if each step we took would be perfectly purposeful and logical? Is that really what we should strive for? I do not think so, but just that ideal would be so many steps better than where we are. When will what we crave and desire actually match up with what we should (such a vague claim) and what is purposeful (such an subjective term)?